I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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