Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
third nipple confirmed
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
