Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
