I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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