I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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