3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize