we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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