i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
