So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
