sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
