I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I have tasted many bathrooms
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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