There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
