dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
