girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
