Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
