I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
