we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
