I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
