No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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