Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
