Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You took a bar mat shot.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
