Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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