I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
