oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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