those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
