She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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