Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
