i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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