Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
