He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
