Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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