absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
