oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
