you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
