This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
