I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
