I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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