see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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