Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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