His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
