he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
