Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
