Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
