He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
