Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
