are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
