I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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