I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I love having hate sex.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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