guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize