Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
