i just google imaged poop.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
