yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
