you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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