so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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