As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize