guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
