I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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