Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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