Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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