You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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