U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
