There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
