my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
