I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
