i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
