i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
