After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
