I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My hand turned me down
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
