saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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