my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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