Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
