Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
