billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize