So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
