You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
