just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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